FINDING YOUR "POWER"

 

Power is a complicated word in our culture. If we're not Kubla Khan or Martha Stewart, do we have any real personal power? Our political voices may seem non-existent, our status financially or culturally may be nil. So, beyond the notion of "power-over," (the default, hurtful cycle where the boss yells at you, you yell at your spouse, your spouse hits the kid, and the kid kicks the dog), where do we obtain this all-important sense of feeling empowered in the world without picking on someone smaller than us to make ourselves seem big? 

 

When we look outside ourselves for comparisons, for validation, we enter a tipsy universe where our self-esteem depends on who we're standing next to at the moment. If Angelina Jolie walks by, we're suddenly depressed—even though we just got the greatest haircut ever. If our friend loses weight, it's hard to feel happy for him if this just makes us feel fat in comparison. This is a way of life for many of us—and it results in a daily emotional roller-coaster ride. 

 

A  story I heard talks about the key to happiness being hidden within each of our hearts (apparently the very last place we would ever look), with a door that unlocks from the inside only. How often do we take a moment simply to sit and check in with ourselves, asking simple questions like, "Where am I today?" or "How am I doing, really? Am I still on the course I set for myself all those years ago? Am I proud of my life?" We may be frightened to ask, thinking that the answers could be somehow unbearable. 

 

In my experience, the actual answer to this kind of basic question is often much less frightening than our fear of what it might be. After all the drama of our fears, after the smoke and mirrors are cleared away, things often turn out to be very simple, in a way: Are we choosing to live out of fear? (as in, "I'd rather not know") or out of love? (as in, "I am worth the risk, I am worth knowing, whatever is revealed"). Fear says, "I will make you safe..." Love says, "You are already safe." 

Counseling can be a place where we can give ourselves a very basic, simple gift—a chance to pause and reflect on our paths and to get help making course corrections if necessary. Or—what is more often the case—realize the extent to which where we are right here, right now, is exactly where we were meant to be. That's right—here in this falling down house with these less-than-perfect friends and with those stones in the road that always seem to trip us up. That can be a very powerful place to be: to know in your bones that you're right with the world.  TB